This is a completely unscheduled, off the cuff, impromptu blog post in which I just want to off-load some thoughts and musings from my poor addled brain. So forgive me if I waffle and please feel free to sit this one out, I won’t track you down and punish you……probably.
Over the past couple of weeks, maybe longer if i’m honest, I have been looking at my ever burgeoning book trolley, not with the usual big heart eyes and contented sigh, but with a niggling sense of unease……
You see, that trolley is fit to bursting with delicious proofs on two of the shelves and has a bottom shelf which is ram a lam a ding donged with books I’ve bought or procured for myself recently that are all winking seductively at me.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know I am in a very privileged position of being offered books and sent books unsolicited from publishers but sometimes when I’ve said ‘Yes please!’ and the book then arrives, I have a tiny little nugget of unease sitting in my belly like a stone. I am the kind of person who once I have said I will do something, I bladdy well do it! However, I am also the kind of person who puts waayyyyy too much pressure on themselves. You see, I agree to read a book by a certain date or aim to have it read and reviewed at least a week before publication and it gets to around a month, 6 weeks before this date or self imposed deadline and I think ‘oh my god! I’m so behind!’….
I know this reaction is overblown, hell some of you out there have recently told me you sometimes don’t get around to reading a book for a blog tour until a few days before…….even sometimes the night before…
HOW. IN. THE. NAME. OF. ALL. THAT. IS. HOLY. DO. YOU. COPE?????
You lot are hardcore! I salute you……but surely you all have anxiety induced stomach ulcers???
This feeling of anxiety has crept up on me recently like an insidious little snake. Probably because I’m having quite majorly disruptive house renovations done, (which are only going to get hellishly worse over the next month! pass me the valium!) I also work full time and have 2 children, add to this a dash of medical stuff and a soupcon of natural low level anxiety and you are left with a woman in a tizz.
I recently had the idea of stepping away from the proofs and picking up some books I ACTUALLY BOUGHT MYSELF, imagine! Yes it was lovely, but I was distracted by those gosh darn beautiful proofs cooing my name and dates in my calendar of when I ‘had’ to read them by. I don’t ‘have’ to read anything guys. I KNOW THIS! But my brain worries at it. I’m a dick what can I say?!
I tell you what, it’s a good job I have you lot to keep me sane and give my head a wobble. Or just say ‘yes! Me too!’ I have my lovely pal Clare over at Years Of Reading Selfishly to talk me down off a ledge whenever I need it because she’s an absolute doll face and no mistake. Calm and pragmatic and an absolute gem.
I don’t really know what the purpose of this blog post is, other than to get my thoughts down, maybe talk myself down from the ceiling because it’s all ok isn’t it? The world won’t combust if I don’t get round to reading and reviewing a book ‘in time’.
I’ll be reet, don’t you worry!
For now I’m going to breathe and re-boot and as I said to Clare yesterday ‘I just need to chill the fuck out!’
Ain’t it the truth.
See you all soon you belters.
Amanda – Bookish Chat xx